“HEard about us”

BREAKING NEWS: Winthorpe Power Couple ‘Raliyah’ split amid Chaotic Cheating Scandal 

By Destiny Childs, POLITICAL REPORTER, November 22, 2022 3:33PM 


It’s true what they say: perfection doesn’t exist. However, for Winthorpe students, Raliyah - comprised of Head-Girl Aaliyah Denise Norwood and Head-Boy Rodney Eugene Davis - were the closest any of them were going to get to that elusive summit. Faculty have announced that there will be a 12 Day Mourning Period starting on the 1st.  

 

Our Head-Teacher Mrs Tenitra Lawson has informed us that therapists and grief counsellors will be nearby, guiding us all through this difficult transition. The Music Department are planning to play renditions of Adele’s saddest hits while slideshows of Raliyah’s most iconic moments will be broadcast schoolwide. ‘Music is a universal language that brings the world together. Together we will heal.’ commented Mr Richards, Head of Music. 


Exclusive sources have confirmed that Davis, who recently received a full scholarship to study Music at Cambridge University, pursued an affair with the ‘homie’ and Winthorpe’s resident Loudmouth Feminist Kelly Rayana Houghton for the entirety of his relationship with Norwood.  


Sources close to Norwood allege she is ‘devastated and heartbroken’ despite being seen smiling in tutor this morning. They go on to claim that she is ‘determined to fulfill her commitments and complete the school year on a high note.’ They ask that we respect her privacy during this time. Davis has released a statement addressing this situation.  



‘My relationship should have always been my priority, but I engaged in behaviour I deeply regret. I apologise for the pain I may have caused to our fans, friends and family. I am committed to growth. Beyond everything I apologize to the incomparable Aaliyah. You are the love of my life.’ 

 

Norwood failed to generate a response.

 

According to exclusive sources Houghton has endured threats and doxxing. She arrived in school solemnly, escorted by two security guards. Furthermore, her ‘empowerment’ speech has been rescheduled to an unconfirmed date.

Students have been incredibly vocal about this steamy love triangle. With some ‘activists’ resorting to protesting outside of Houghton’s classes with placards. SCREW FEMINISM and GIRL CODE FOR THEE, NOT ME are just a few of the ones my editors have allowed me to publish.   

Due to the controversy, both Houghton and Norwood have been granted indefinite Study Leave. 

 

‘Men bad! Cancel men!’ Mrs Shauna, English Literature and Language teacher and Head of Equity and Inclusion said when our reporters caught up with her.  

According to bystanders, wailing and vicious arguments could be heard from the Teacher’s Lounge. 

‘Kelly is mad shady for that. Ain’t that like a violation of Girl Code or sumthin’. Real foul,’ Mr Smith, P.E. and PSHE teacher said. 

‘I never liked Kelly. She always gave me bad vibes. She deserves everything that’s coming to her. I follow and retweet all her hate accounts. I was so gassed when one of them liked my tweet,’ Kiely Smith, Year 12 Mental Health Ambassador declared passionately. Our reporters caught up with her after she hosted her workshop Kindness is the Way.  

 

Other members of the Winthorpe community were preoccupied with speculating on what led to the affair, conjuring up their own theories.

  

According to a local businessowner, ‘We as men are designed to breed. Blaming this bloke for fulfilling his biological destiny is wrong. He’s a good fella and he’s going places.’ 


Stewart Taint, leader and co-founder of the Winthorpe affinity group Men Against Misandry stated that women are the sole culprit. 

 

‘Toxic masculinity this. Toxic masculinity that. The problem isn’t us, it’s them. Y’know it’s females doing it to themselves.’ 


Instead of rejoicing in the juiciest piece of gossip that has ever hit Winthorpe airwaves, one member of the student body offered a more grounded take.


‘It’s very sad that my friend’s heartbreak is entertainment for you all. Imagine if this was your loved one. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.’ Peter (Aaliyah’s designated BFF) stated. His bright energy almost dimmed to extinction. He sat at the back of our school’s abandoned auditorium drenched in sweat and an unfamiliar sadness. His black puffer jacket was poorly disguising his battered knuckles and bruises.


‘I’m fine…’ he struggled to bridge the gap between his words and his voice. They reconciled as a crooked smile. 

 

Heart bleeding on my sleeve 

They all say I’m naïve 

But loving recklessly is better than going to heaven with nothing 

Why are my wings so heavy now? 

 

‘Rodney’s just another guy.’ 

Emoefeoghene (Efe) Akpofure Imoyin-Omene

Emoefeoghene (Efe) Akpofure Imoyin-Omene is a 19-year-old British Nigerian writer, journalist and poet whose work fits into a genre he coined ‘YA Romance with socially conscious and comedic twists’. He has published a novel called Ese: The Misadventures of Moving Forward and has written for the National Centre for Writing, Left Brain Media, Aurum Journal, The Chritical Magazine, BBC and a plethora of other platforms. While being a bestseller is his goal, creating work that makes people feel less alone is the dream.

Twitter: @efeImoyin

Instagram: @emoefeoghene

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